What a week and it's only Tuesday.

Still a grateful mess.

I can’t believe the turn of events. It still takes me by total surprise multiple times a day. I don’t know how I am doing what I am doing. Getting through each day, busier than I’ve been in years. So much to day, in a city I haven’t lived in, in 21 years. Getting my ass to the gym, at least every other day, this morning it was the 8:30 Orange Theory class in Chelsea. I embody a zombie walking over to that studio, stopping at the Starbucks on the way. It feels like slow motion and that I am all alone. How is this my life? My Malibu existence was so different, and so simple, and quiet. I liked it that way. I barely left my house, just to do my 3 mile hikes each morning and pilates 4 days a week just up the road on PCH. I had my little routine, one that I cherished and that helped me to get in the best shape of my life. 40 lbs down naturally. I was so proud not only of my results but of my joyful quieter life I had made for myself up on that hill overlooking the Pacific. I was in a place of calm and contentment. Each sunset was magic and I loved every minute of the almost 4 years we spent living there.

Don’t get me wrong, I am truly enjoying much of what NYC has to offer. I have not had a bad meal since I arrived on February 1. So many fun dinners, WHOA, The Corner Store, with the incomparable George Hahn was like being dropped into an episode of Sex and the City. Total NYC culture shock from someone who never left her house at the beach. Fun. Also, fun, my fave Marie’s Crisis for some showtimes with the always delightful Camryn Manheim. Yes, I am name dropping a bit. Last night, I got to sit front row watching Kate Hudson sing while watching Goldie and Kurt kvell over her at a cool little venue in Soho. Thanks Bryan, it was so fun and she was so good! I’ve had a few home cooked meals by my old NY pals, thanks Pamela and James and Kim and elliot for the lovely Shabbat. All these experiences and escapes are healing to my broken heart. Like I’ve said before, NYC is a delicious distraction. One of the beautiful things to come out of this 180 degree shift is that I’ve gotten to spend some wonderful quality time with my grown sons who live in Queens. At best we would see each other a couple of times a year for a quick visit on either coast. That is one of the gifts for sure. There are always gifts that come from trauma and loss.

One foot in front of the other. I have so so much to be grateful for. This new adventure, this choose your own adventure. Excited for the day. Always…. and I would do anything to just go home.